Wow! My time at Oklahoma State University has already come to an end. As I’ve been reflecting over these past 4 years, there are many things I want to share with you all in hopes that wherever you are in your life, you can receive a piece of joy from my experiences to carry along with you on your personal life journey too. Acts 20:22-24 ❤
WARNING: This is about to be a long post
One major key point I learned throughout undergrad was patience. Patience with myself, people, class, track, future goals, ect. It takes a lot of will power and mental strength to stay patient and positive while waiting for your breakthrough. I’ve seen people lose it all because they just weren’t patient enough for their greater. I had my fair share of giving into not waiting for God’s timing, but overall I definitely am thankful for the times I had no other choice but to wait and see what my next move would be. After finishing my senior year at OSU, I had to wait to see my final grades. I straddled the line of “A” and “B” in like all of my classes, but I was prayerful that hopefully the hard work and all the extra credit assignements, long office hour visits, ect. would pay off. Gratefully, when final grades arrived, I had that 4.0 I wanted for the final semester, which confirmed my cumulative GPA to Cum Laude status. The waiting did not stop there though, I was still patiently holding out to hear back from my top law school- SMU. I had been waitlisted and if anyone reading this knows anything about a waiting list…you can feel my struggle at that time in life lol. However, I did not give up hope. As the days grew longer, and my desire became stronger, I had major opportunities to shift my focus more on growing with Jesus, cleaning up some inner battles, resting, and rejuvenating! Before I knew it, I received a phone call from the school notifying me of my acceptance WITH a scholarship! LOOK.AT.GOD! My spirit felt a ton of emotions that honestly words can not even express. When previous law schools had notified me of my acceptance, I felt overjoyed…but the feeling when my dream school hit me up to give me that news…literally my heart almost hopped out of my chest. Moral of my little soapbox is WAIT EXPECTANTLY AND DON’T YOU DARE GIVE IN TO DOUBT, OKURTTT!!
I met a one of a kind friend here at OSU, (she already knows I’m talking about her! 😉) It is rare that someone like her could be friends with someone like me. Meaning, two competitive teammates, successful in and outside of the classroom, as well as pretty hot individuals are “sisters forever” kind of friends. It still blows my mind that we aren’t envious of each other’s wins. We don’t 💩 talk about each other to other people or do petty things when we disagree. Instead, we encourage and uplift each other during our struggles. Steph knows some of my deepest darkest secrets and I trust her with them. She’s the type of friend to cry and laugh with me, but at the same time correct me when I’m wrong. A lot of people have asked and wonder how we remained so close all 4 years and the answer is really God. He brought Steph to me for a reason and I am confident that she’ll be in my life til I’m RIP. The best part is, I didn’t have to change myself or be a certain way to get a friend like Steph. We just naturally clicked. If you have someone in your life like that, you are truly blessed! If not, do not be defeated. God reveals people to us in different seasons. I still am so very thankful for a friend like Steph who walked with me in my tough times in college, which is why I never felt compelled to hop into many different circles of friends. I knew and could hang out with many different types of people, but it’s always nice to know you’ve got a real one back at home (literally lol we were roommates too 😂♥️) I actually wrote an intense post over growing through friendships last year if you are interested in more. Check it out! Also, this song from Bey is absolutely a SCHMOOD. DEF LISTEN
A memory I will never forget is meeting my two line sisters for the first time. We didn’t know each other at all…just had seen each other around campus, but now they are strangers that became sisters 😘 I recall telling someone that I am lucky I have a friendship with my line sisters and not just the “I have to like you cause we’re stuck together forever” type thing. I actually really like them 😂 lol it’s crazy because we are so different. If it weren’t for Delta, I don’t know if we would of ever crossed paths. Jasmine and Ashleigh have taught me so much in just a short amount of time. Their love for me is overwhelming because I don’t usually just let people get that close to me super quick. However, their the type to show up to my door and refuse to leave when I’m down. Haha they are wild for that, but you need people in your life who will love you even when you think you can handle all of your problems on your own. Shoutout to the homegurlz who befriend stubborn chicas like me!!
For the sake of my sanity and others’ as well, I found myself vibing alone quite often. One of my close friends once told me, “there’s so much that goes on up in that little brain of yours”. MAJOR FACTS. The “real world”, mixed with emotions, past insecurities, future fears, yada yada is def something to be aware of. Sometimes, even just reading my news outlets, I began to feel overwhelmed and my whole swing of emotions can take many different twist…especially with always seeing Trump act a fool, my Black brothers getting killed, and the media finding another man that likes to take advantage of women…it can become depressing. I have a tendency to care and take on these issues and really ponder over them…but as I grew throughout college, wise peeps dropped some knowledge on me- I am not Superwoman, and I should not strive to be. I’ll never forget the times I had to hit the reset button and really stop to reflect and get myself back to balance. It’s so important to check on you and make sure you’re fine before trying to save the world. No one can read your mind, and you are responsible for your actions no matter “what you’ve been through”- we’ve all been through some type of trauma, so pray about it and boss up. Because of this revelation I learned over these 4 years, I was able to notice and understand when others I interacted with were screaming for a timeout within themselves. Most of the time when people lash out or come off rude, it has nothing to do with you, it’s an inner war going on within them. I know this because I am guilty of it too. However, I am thankful for growth, accepting what triggers me, and knowing my limits. 💚
Family really is everything!! As soon as I got to OSU, I quickly realized how amazing I had it back at home. True love and support is what raised me. My mom always said, “No one is gonna love you like your family” and she was exactly right. My family is far from perfect, but I witnessed some of the people I had grown close to at school share with me things that I didn’t even think would come from a family. Being exposed to so many different backgrounds of life humbled me and made me realize to “Love Yourz”. ♥️
“I Know, God Knows”
Very often I found myself between a rock and a hard place with explaining who, what, when, and where…when in reality it is really no ones business to know any of these things. Eventually, after lots of talks with God and my people, I came to the conclusion that with some things in life, it’s okay to not explain every little thing to others…especially those whose intentions are to be nosey and judgmental. I started to ignore what others might think about me (both extremely good like a saint and both confusingly horrible…like idk whatever they be sayin 😂) andddd began focusing on what God thinks and says about me because I am only human/far from perfect/I’m still growing 🗣 Insecure folks will sit around all day and critique your life up and down because they can’t handle looking at themselves in the mirror and dealing with the mess right in front of them. I stopped trying to show these people who I really was and simply just continued to live my life by keepin’ it movin’. No revenge, no clearing up stuff to paint whatever picture they need because I know, God knows 😘 Also, a lot of things may go undocumented but that doesn’t mean the care and passion aren’t still there. Some of the best things we do for others or ourselves are done behind the scenes. I post or highlight what I want to show people lol there’s still so much more to my life than what meets the eye. Struggles, happiness, all of that works together in the making of me. That goes for everyone too. Don’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s front page. & don’t believe everything you see on social media either lol because we are ALL guilty of sharing that bomb selfie over the 20 other takes before that 🤷🏽♀️.
It’s not fun losing…especially when it feels like you just keep taking L’s. Sometimes even when you make your best moves forward, another failure comes. Failure is inevitable. But, as I look back, I can appreciate all of my failures and let downs. They helped shape me into who I am. I never took them and stayed down. Instead, my failures made me push even harder. I will continue to push harder through upsets in law school! I pray you all can take your failures and twist that into something good for you! 💪🏽 My dad once corrected me and said “Dan, don’t ever call it an “L”…those moments were trial runs to get you here”…something like this.
If you’re having trouble with channeling in and respecting the “now” moment, some advice I can give to you that I personally do now in my adult life is meditation, prayer, fasting from certain things, and actively reminding myself during activities throughout my day that right now is all that matters. In fact, “less is more”…believe it or not! When you have and actually take the time to slow down and cease the moment on things, you will realize how special and precious your God given life is. Living on this super fast pace of life is dangerous (for me at least). Whenever I was always just going and going and doing all of these things without a pause, I became numb to my pain, and I didn’t want to feel…I did not have time to. I just wanted to have a quick fix and keep pushing through the days. That’s not healthy…you will eventually lose yourself amongst all the chaos. One of my goals for my next chapter in life is to really enforce my breaks before I get in the car…because when you’re going 100 in a 40, it’s so much harder to stop and way more appealing to keep rolling or even go faster and crash, sadly. Thank God for my air bags! (God and my support system) Bottom line, folks, stay true to you no matter what life throws your way. Your PEACE and RIGHT NOW matters!
Growth and true maturity is when you can look at any situation- good or bad and see God in it. I’m so thankful for the many mentors who came my way at OSU, the old friends I kept close with back at home, and the new friends I had for different seasons in my life, as well as for the ones who are still here now. God sent these people to me for a reason. When you look at your breaks ups, distant friendships, or even amazing relationships this way, it can change how you perceive the world. I’m at peace with this truth! God’s timing is perfect and the people I’ve encountered fulfilled, are fulfilling, or will fulfill their purpose in my life. I LOVE YOU ALL AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE…PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE ♥️
The above post took me awhile to come to terms with about my growth with being at peace with everyone who came in my life. haha I AM VERY STUBBORN and I have a tendency to write people off…for good. However, as I grew closer to Christ, I was convicted of this. God wants us to love all and to “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” Romans 12:18 💚 This was sososososo and still is sosososoooooooooooo HARD for me because I have been hurt terribly by others. But, who am I!? No. really. WHO ARE WE TO ARGUE THIS? We HURT God TERRIBLY daily by our sins and selfish desires to please ourselves over our Savior…someone who died on the cross for the stupid stuff we do every day. Hmmm. So, if Jesus can do that for me, I can forgive and yes, move on and forget (not holding grudges) over the ones who crossed me wrong. Now, I am not condoning toxic friendships or relationships because that is silly and is not what God is telling us to do. He does tell us to love everyone- even your worst enemy. He says to pray for those who curse you and do you wrong. BLESS THEM HE SAYS! I tried this lol and it actually works (well, duh..it is advice from God) and it made me feel at peace and happy. Even those I don’t have the best relationship with…at least I know my heart is in a healthy place with them. You don’t have to be buddy buddy with them, but you do need to love them. Some of the most meanest people need love the most. Be better, not bitter because in reality, me and you are both problematic in this world. Plus, God has a way of taking care of you. Do not seek out revenge…just continue to LIVE.
Practice What You Preach
One of the hardest things (still is for me til this day) is living out the life I help others with. Living in Stillwater for the past 4 years, I had been able to build relationships with younger girls who looked up to me, as well as with people I shared my personal life with through my Bible study. Majority of the time they saw something in me and I saw a piece of myself in them. I was able to help them deter from past mistakes I had made, but sometimes they’d witness me make the same mistakes I already told them to beware of. I’m not perfect and I am only human with daily struggles and sins to overcome, but it comes a time where for those who have others looking up to them, need to understand that you are now held at a different standard…especially if you claim to be a follower of Christ. I remember basically telling one of the girls to not put me in this “perfect” category , but instead look to God for her perfect guidance. However, aren’t we God’s hands and feet on Earth? Aren’t people suppose to see Him through us?
Yeah, it sucks to dig that deep into it, but if you are reading this section and you can relate with the young Christian struggle, you know what I mean. I am STILL trying to find the happy balance of growing as an individual through my mess by still showing other young girls the right way. They keep me accountable and I actually do think sometimes “what if they saw me doing this? I don’t want to let them down”. So, keep your head up all you mentors and mentees!!
“I Can’t Save You, But I Can Pray for You”
Along with my experiences of being a mentor in college, as well as also being on the other side as a mentee, I’ve learned you can not change people or save them. It is hard seeing those you care and love go backwards or make terrible life choices, but in the end, no one can want to do better for them, but them. I remember literally almost losing my sanity trying to use all of my energy in someone else’s life, that I couldn’t even see the mess in my own life. Vis versa, I’ve had best friends express to me that I needed to let go of a toxic relationship or else they couldn’t be close to me anymore for their sake and growth. That is a very hard thing to do, but it is strong on their part to protect their peace. I appreciate those who loved me enough to call out my out of character habits. This motivated me to finally get the courage to grow and change on my own. No one forced me to do better, or want better for myself…I just knew it was time to get a grip and move on. With their loving support and God’s unfailing wisdom to guide me, I realized my friends and family are not my saviors, Jesus is. I am so thankful for His strength to lead me back to still waters! (no pun intended ha ha)
If you’ve been anywhere near social media lately or even the daily news, you know that right now in our world suicide is on the rise. Depression, anxiety, fear, ect. is real, y’all. A lot of people you encounter every day are fighting a battle that you have no idea about. Be gentle…always. The culture in college was very fast pace and kind of a go go go mentality. So, many times we do not even notice our own self slipping into a low state of mental health. I know for me, having a solid support system, both at school and at home, helped me fight off those evil forces of depression and anxiety…or even giving up on life. I’m so very thankful also for the resources OSU had available for me. I am not ashamed to share that I sought out counseling in my college journey. In fact, I kind of miss it actually, lol. Our society paints this picture that counseling is for the weak and you are “crazy” if you seek help. HUH!?
I think the real crazies are the ones who stay in horrible predicaments of depression, anxiety, or fear and do not seek help of any sort. I also believe that those who seek out assistance in areas internally for them that need it are the strongest. It takes a lot of courage to share with someone that you are not okay. Again, it’s okay to not be okay. I pray that if you’re reading this and things are miserable for you right now that you don’t give up in this season of life. Things get better, trust me. Reach out for help in wherever you feel comfortable…family, trust-worthy friends, or even a counselor who knows nothing about you…only what you desire to share. Lastly, for those who know that feeling of a friend becoming distant or kind of “off” lately, show some compassion. Lead them toward a healthy path to seek help for themselves. Be that support system!
BET ON YOURSELF…DO IT
I found myself plenty of times through out college taking big big risk. I’ve always been this way and I don’t plan on changing anytime soon. However, I am not going to sit here and tell you that fear did not appear at moments when I had a dream or vision to carry out something that seemed kind of out of this world. Fear was my biggest enemy, BUT FEAR IS A LIAR! If I would of let fear get in my way, I would not have accomplished half of the things I did or would have been able to carry out the lifestyle I knew I wanted at OSU. I also would not be writing this message to you today. The road to chasing what you believe and living a life based on faith is not easy, but do what you can’t. Yes, you read that right. Do what you CAN’T. So many times we tell ourselves what we can not do, or that isn’t for me simply because “I just can’t”. Well, do what you can’t…JUST FREAKING DO IT! What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Money DOESN’T Grow on Trees
Having extremely expensive taste or simply having an eye for the finer things in life is me to the teeeee. However, I learned quickly that my parents are not going to pay for everything forever, and honestly I do not want them to either a.k.a adulting. With this struggle I had over wanting certain things, but also wanting to be independent on getting them, I had to open my eyes and see the value of items not being cheap in life. It felt good working towards my study abroad trip and really utilizing my resources towards rent, groceries, and leisure activities. I loved being able to save up money for my seasonal splurges too. I know I grew up privileged haha but my parents made my sisters and I work, so that mentality carried through to the start of my adult life. But of course, it always feels great too, knowing that I have an awesome support system to help me out and lend assistance when needed….😉
DoN’T cOmPaRe!!!!! Stop!
If you’ve made it this far orrrrr if you scrolled down to hit on this interesting and very relevant subject, then WELCOME! I am glad you could join in on my thoughts with comparing because I find myself constantly having deep convos about this one. I once heard, “do not compare someone’s chapter 19 to your chapter 10”, and it really spoke wisdom and life into me. To be honest, I never really was a kid to compare material things because my parents put in overtime to make sure I never wanted for anything. However, as I got older into my teens and now, it is so easy to compare like “life statuses”. You know, well at this age I should be here because so and so is there and I think they have it altogether, so let me do what they are doing, sooooo I can be like that and be happy. YAY! You know, something like this…
This. NEVER. WORKS. Your path, is just what that is…YOUR PATH. What God has planned for you, no one or nothing can stop that from prevailing. We all are guilty of some sort of way of comparing. Whether we do it consciously or subconsciously. Do not get caught up in where you think you should be in life. It’s not a race. It’s actually a walk with God. If you are so focused on racing through life to get from one height to another height, you will miss the blessings and teachings along the journey that God has planted for you to encounter. Keep that in mind, loves, while you go after your life goals. This is something I am constantly reminding myself because I am a very competitive person by nature and I crave killing my goals and slaying 24/7, but you know, sometimes God puts the brakes on me to reflect, to grow, to forgive, ect. Do not rush the process, TRUST THE PROCESS. Plus, more importantly, your
SPIRITUAL GAIN IS FAR MORE PROFITABLE THAN YOUR EARTHLY GAIN…
I had this revelation a couple of times in college. Once when things seemed to be “perfect” for me, and another when it seemed like I was taking multiple “L’s”. I realized, no matter whether I was winning here on earth or losing, I never fully received satisfaction. I always wanted more or needed more to fill my empty holes internally. & also, quite frankly…no one really gave AF either after awhile whether I was winning or losing 😂 It’s kind of like when celebs get in the media and we go crazy over their life for a second and then later on, someone else does something “awhing” and we totally forget about the last week’s news. I came to the conclusion that I wanted to value my spiritual growth more than fickle earthly accomplishments. Don’t get me wrong, I love challenging myself and seeing results! But, it is vital to know where that comes from and who gets the glory. THANK THE LORD! Some of the most memorable compliments and accolades that really spoke to me throughout my 4 years at OSU were about my character and spirit. I remember and really feel those kind words more than my semesters of 4.0’s or PRs on the track. Those accomplishments are great gifts from God, but through the process of achieving them, I loved to hear someone tell me I am the reason they grew closer to God or I helped them when they did not know what else to do in their life circumstances. That is what makes my heart melt in ways I really can not describe. Inspiring others to live a joyful and peaceful life is unmatchable. Knowing someone looks at me and sees God’s grace through my eyes makes me want to literally cry because I am not worthy, but God gave me this gift to give off light through the victories, and also through my own struggles too. So, franssss let’s ROOT for each other and watch each other GROW inside and out!
OKAY SO YOU’VE REACHED THE END
Thank you so much for those who took (and have taken) the time to read my blogs! This is something I have found joy in not only for me, but for others who are genuinely looking to relate, relax, and release. ♥️ So, my what now? I’m like soooooo excited to embark on my new adventures in law school at SMU Dedman School of Law! I hope to continue sharing my thoughts on everything under the sun with you guys, as well as aspiring future dreamers along the way! Enjoy the rest of your summer!!